Coping With Grief and Loss

We all experience loss in our lives. Whether it’s a revered family member, a beloved pet, or a coveted job, people, things, and experiences often don’t stay with us as long as we’d like. Everyone grieves differently, but for many, it can be challenging to get through the days when you’re coping with grief and loss.

Understanding Grief

Grief is a complex emotional response to a loss. It’s characterized by feelings of sadness, pain, and even anger or confusion. 

It doesn’t look the same for everyone. For some people, it may bring about overwhelming emotions, while for others, it may feel more like numbness or a sense of detachment. 

Grief isn’t limited to any specific type of loss. It can arise in response to changes or endings in many aspects of life.

Some common sources of grief are:

• Death. The loss of family members, friends, or pets is one of the most universally recognized causes of grief.
• Divorce or Breakup. The end of a significant relationship can bring about profound sadness, even if the decision was mutual or necessary.
• Job Loss or Career Change. Losing a job, changing careers, or retiring can trigger grief, as people may mourn the loss of identity, routine, or financial stability.
• Health Issues. Facing a serious illness, disability, or injury can bring grief about lost abilities or changes to your lifestyle and future plans.
• Major Life Transitions. Moving to a new city, becoming an empty nester, or adjusting to a new stage of life can create a sense of loss, even if you wanted the change.
• Financial Hardships. Experiencing bankruptcy, debt, or financial instability can lead to feelings of grief, as it can impact your sense of security and future aspirations.
• Loss of a Dream or Goal. When a long-held goal or dream becomes unattainable — such as a failed business, missed opportunity, or unfulfilled personal aspiration — you may grieve the life you envisioned but no longer see as possible.
• Trauma or Experiencing Violence. Experiencing trauma, abuse, or violence can lead to grief as you mourn the loss of safety, trust, or innocence.
• Environmental or Community Loss. Natural disasters, climate change, or neighborhood changes (like gentrification) can cause you to grieve the loss of familiar places or communities.
• Global or Political Events. Large-scale events like pandemics, wars, or political upheaval can lead to collective grief as people process the impact on society and personal lives.

The Stages of Grief

Grief tends to happen in stages, although the order of the stages or how long each lasts is variable. The late psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the concept of the five stages of grief in her book On Death and Dying (1969) to provide a framework for understanding common emotional responses to loss. 

Here are the five stages of grief and what they usually entail:

1. Denial. In this stage, you may struggle to accept the reality of the loss. This denial acts as a buffer, helping you process the situation gradually. 
2. Anger. Feelings of anger may surface as the reality of the loss sets in. You may direct this anger at yourself, others, or things associated with the loss. It can manifest as frustration, irritation, or resentment. Anger is a way of channeling pain and gives a sense of control, even temporarily.
3. Bargaining. In this stage, you may start making “what if” statements or imagine scenarios where the loss was prevented. You may attempt to negotiate or bargain with a higher power, yourself, or the situation to try to reverse or minimize the impact of the loss. You’re trying to find a way to re-establish control of a situation that was out of your hands.
4. Depression. Deep sadness or even despair can set in as you face the reality of loss. This stage often includes withdrawal, hopelessness, and intense sadness. It’s typical to feel overwhelmed and to question the future.
5. Acceptance. In the final stage, you begin coming to terms with the loss. Acceptance doesn’t mean that the pain is gone or that you’re “okay” with what happened. It signifies a readiness to move forward. You may begin to re-engage with life, rebuild, and find a new sense of normalcy. 

The Physical and Emotional Toll of Grief

Grief impacts your mind and body, creating a myriad of physical and emotional symptoms as you work to process what happened. Many people expect the emotional symptoms of grief but are surprised when they connect physical symptoms to it too. 

The Physical Toll of Grief

Grief can trigger physical symptoms as your body reacts to and attempts to adjust to emotional pain. Physical symptoms of grief may include:

• Fatigue and Exhaustion. Grieving can be physically draining, leaving you feeling exhausted, sluggish, or heavy, even after sleep.
• Sleep Disturbances. Many people experience insomnia, frequent waking, or oversleeping when grieving. 
• Appetite Changes. Grief can affect appetite in various ways, with some people losing interest in food and others finding themselves overeating or craving comfort foods.
• Headaches and Muscle Tension. Physical pain like headaches, neck and shoulder tension, and body aches are common due to the stress grief places on the body.
• Weakened Immune System. Long-term grief can suppress the immune system, making you more susceptible to illnesses and infections.
• Heart Palpitations or Chest Pain. Grief is associated with heightened stress and anxiety, which can lead to sensations like chest tightness or palpitations.
• Gastrointestinal Issues. Stress from grief can affect digestion, leading to stomach aches, nausea, constipation, or diarrhea.

The Emotional Toll of Grief

Emotionally, grief can bring about varying feelings, including:

• Sadness and Depression. Deep sadness is common when you’re grieving. You may even struggle to find joy or meaning in daily life.
• Anxiety and Fear. Loss can provoke feelings of anxiety, especially fear of the future or worry about additional losses.
• Anger and Irritability. Anger can arise in response to grief, sometimes directed at oneself, others, or the circumstances surrounding the loss.
• Guilt and Regret. You may reflect on “what if” scenarios, wondering if they could have changed things. Guilt or regret can come from actions or words left unsaid or perceived failures to prevent the loss.
• Numbness and Disconnection. You may experience numbness or detachment, feeling disconnected from your emotions or from those around you.
• Loneliness and Isolation. You may feel misunderstood or alone in your grief, leading to withdrawal from social interactions.
• Difficulty Concentrating and Memory Issues. Grief can impact cognitive functions like concentration and memory. You may feel foggy or have a difficult time focusing or remembering things.

Coping With Grief and Loss

We can’t avoid grief. We’re all going to experience it at some point in our lives. Certain losses may be more challenging for us to process, and we may have difficulty adjusting and moving forward. Here’s some advice for when you’re coping with grief and loss.

Allow Yourself to Feel and Express Emotions

One of the healthiest ways to cope with grief is to let yourself feel and express the emotions that come with it. Suppressing or judging your feelings can prolong the grieving process, so try to embrace the experience. It can be cathartic to express emotions through things like crying or talking with trusted others.

Build a Support System

Grieving doesn’t have to be done in isolation. Lean on supportive friends, family members, or community groups where you feel safe sharing your feelings. Find someone to talk to so they can validate your feelings, ease loneliness, and remind you that you’re not alone in this journey.

Care for Your Physical Health

Grief can have a significant physical impact, so prioritizing self-care is essential. Aim to get adequate rest and try to maintain a balanced diet to support your body. Gentle exercise, like walking or yoga, can help reduce stress and improve your mood while also giving you a moment to reconnect with yourself.

Establish Routines

Life can feel chaotic and unpredictable in the face of loss. Small routines, like stillness while drinking your morning coffee or journaling, can create a sense of stability and control. Try to focus on these little things in life that you enjoy and are grateful for.

Give Yourself Permission to Take Breaks

It’s okay to take breaks from grieving. Engage in activities that bring you comfort, even if only for a short time. Watching a favorite show, spending time in nature, or engaging in a hobby you enjoy can provide a mental and emotional respite.

Honor Your Loss Through Rituals and Memorials

Finding ways to honor your loss can help with closure and create a lasting sense of connection. Rituals like lighting a candle, planting a tree, or creating a scrapbook of memories can be meaningful ways to process grief. For some, establishing a small personal ritual, like a daily moment of reflection, can provide comfort.

Practice Self-Compassion and Patience

As cliche as it sounds, grief takes time. Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Be kind to yourself, recognizing that you’ll have good days and difficult days. Avoid judging yourself for how you’re grieving or how long it’s taking. Instead, allow yourself the grace and patience to heal at your own pace.

Make Meaning From the Experience

In time, many people find that loss provides insights about what’s important in life. Reflect on the things that give you purpose or bring you joy, and consider ways to honor the memory of your loved one or the significance of what you lost. Engaging in meaningful activities, such as volunteering or advocacy, can offer a sense of hope and purpose.

Seek Professional Support If Necessary

Sometimes, grief can feel overwhelming, and the support of friends and family may not be enough. A mental health professional can provide a safe space to work through intense feelings. 

Let All Counseling Help

If you’re coping with grief and loss, seeking professional help can’t hurt. A professional can help you understand your emotions and work through them healthily. All Counseling’s therapist directory can help you find a therapist near you, even one who specializes in grief and loss. Search our directory today for the help you need and deserve.